Your Hair Is Thinning; Your Mustache Is Thriving. What Gives?

THE YEAR: 1998. A WOMAN AROUND thirty is shopping in the produce aisle of her grocery store, her chestnut-colored hair limp in a ponytail. Suddenly she stumbles on a mysterious shampoo, which she is compelled to stop and smell. The smell of the Herbal Essences shampoo—it’s organic — transports her to a steamy (as in bow- chick-a-wow-wow) shower scene, narrated by a male with a deeeeeep voice, where both she and her hair are whipped into a lather: Yes! Yes! Yes! she exclaims in ecstasy. Back at the grocery store, she is awash in the afterglow of the “totally organic experience” and her hair looks freakin’ amazing— lush, thick, bouncy, no frizz. (Then-septuagenarian sexpert Dr. Ruth Westheimer also showed up, but the grocery shopper’s hair is so bodacious the celeb cameo feels like a blip.)

FAST-FORWARD TWENTY-FOUR YEARS to 2022: The same woman who used to shill for Herbal Essences strides through the grocery store wearing a chic petrol-blue coat dress. The business she founded is going gangbusters; she’s recently bought a lake house; she has a new very cute boyfriend; both of her kids are lovely, self- sufficient people. Then, she throws some carrots into the produce scale and accidentally catches her own reflection: Can that be her—with that hair… or lack thereof?!?! Ever since Herbal Essences stopped doing the trick, she’s tried expensive shampoos galore and even got on Nutrafol. But here she is, her previously voluminous mane now thin, patchy, sad. (Dr. Ruth is now 93; she has people who grocery shop for her.)

AS THOSE OF US WATCHING FROM home realize, the shampoo is not the problem. (And in this fictional scenario, the Covid pandemic is not the problem) Indeed, our heroine is in menopause, and with menopause comes wisdom, contentment, and…a mild form of balding. At least for sixty percent of women, that is.

YOU'VE PROBABLY NOTICED THAT at the same time our head hair thins, our chins begin to sprout wild, vegetal hairs as if we’ve been wearing Miracle Grow in lieu of night cream. (Not organic.) How can this be? Hormones, of course. Our estrogen and testosterone levels fluctuate at different rates during menopause. Do we deserve this? No. Is it our lot in life? Yes. But can we do anything about it? Also yes! Well, at least for the hair you’re losing. (For that adorable mustache, we recommend Tweezerman’s classic slant tweezers in a soothing marine tone.)

Alloy Chief Medical Officer Sharon Malone, M.D, FACOG, NCMP, says food high in omega-3 fatty acids are a solid first line of defense for hair loss. But salmon (and nuts and seeds) alone aren’t going to rebalance your hormones. Alloy’s products, however, can help you do just that. Consider taking our new online assessment as the first step to getting your hormones back into whack. All therapies from Alloy - a female-founded company, thankyouverymuch—are plant-based and FDA approved. Get in our groove and you might find yourself saying, Yes! Yes! Yes!, all over again. Grow girls, Alloy